Why do we make things up sometimes?
And just because we made it up, does that automatically mean its a lie?
Can you tell yourself something enough to get yourself to believe it?
A story that your mind created.
Story to help you deal with the ugly horrible truth.
A truth that you didn't realise you were creating.
A truth that smacked you in the face the next morning
when you woke up the next morning hurt, bruised, and scarred.
Your mind automatically starts rationalizing, protecting, making up reasons why you didn't say no. Why you weren't scared and why you said yes to one thing but got something else
and didn't stop when you should have.
There was a moment when the pain started.
The moment when the spontaneous and promiscuous you was enjoying the moment
only to be shocked and horrified by what happened next.
The pain ripped through me, and my mind screamed no.
My body halted all pleasure and the pain took over.
Instinct made me pull away and fight back only to be faced with a stronger fight,
a stronger pull backwards back into the pain.
I fought harder pushed way.
Only to receive a harder smack, a harder push, a harder demand.
Tears welled up
resistance stopped
I gave in and let him break me
I gave in and didn't fight
The pain went on even longer, harder
I wanted it to stop but didn't know how
Eventually it did
and now I lay here wondering
What have I done, what did I do?
What will I say
How can I free myself from the lie,
from the truth?
No comments:
Post a Comment